So I guess I better quickly clarify exactly what it is I'm going for here, just in case I'm misconstrued (which is an awesome word, btw. Did I ever mention how much I love words?) Anywho, this is not a beg for sympathy, it's not my life story. It's not me bitching, whining or opining. Well, maybe a little. What this is is a chance for me to truly express myself how I wish. I've long struggled to find my voice in non-fictional writing, as many who read my review site know. A friend of mine suggested I need to find some original point of view, and after much struggling I realised I had one all along. So this is me, expressing my own unique little view on the world and it's many wonders. From the weird little societal quirks, to the big life altering questions, to love, to answering your questions. That's right, folks, simply leave a question in the comments, or e-mail or message me and I will answer as many as I can. No shit. Nothing is sacred, nothing is too personal.
So that's that, I hope. There will be more legitimate articles to come as I find more and more time, but in the meantime, I leave you with this quote from Daria: "Always remember, if the Emperor looks naked, he probably is naked."
Monday, March 26, 2012
An Aspie's Guide to Asperger's Syndrome
It's pretty accepted practice with these things that one should always start simple, or break the audience in, so to speak. Unfortunately, I'm left in the unique position of having to start with probably the hardest thing I'm ever going to have to write about on here, before I can get on to the more easier, consumer friendly ramblings.
What is Asperger's is a question quite akin, in my mind at least, to "what is the meaning of life?" or "does objective reality exist?" or any of those fun, raging philosophical debate questions.To start broad and simple, Asperger's Syndrome is part of the Autism Spectrum. However, Asperger's itself is on a spectrum. My own form of Asperger's is a high-functioning Asperger's, and is totally different to anyone else's. Starting to notice the problem? So what I'm going to talk about today is my Asperger's, and my experiences with it.
My Asperger's, from what I've been told, and what I can notice myself, mainly affects my social skills, my cognitive abilities, and my intellect to the stage that if I were a robot, or computer, I would have been scrapped during manufacturing. Imagine being born without the necessary skills to survive in the "real world". Imagine if everything you do naturally - talking, body language, feeling, walking - was suddenly foreign and alien to you. The fact that I can socially interact with anyone at all is thanks to years of intensive social training. Every situation I've been in has been rehearsed like a play. Which leaves me in a rather compromising position when I encounter a new scenario, hence the intense fear of change. It's like you're in a play and you find out opening is tonight and you don't have a script or a costume. So you bumble through, trying to use what you know and bounce of those around you, but the crowd is booing you and everyone else is looking at you like you're some tongue-tied idiot.
The worst part, truly, is emotions and body language, and the expressing and understanding of each. It's still something I struggle with to this day. My brain often can't distinguish between emotions, especially if I'm feeling more than one thing at once. I used to compare it to a bread factory, everything is running fine until something jams or goes wrong, and suddenly you've got a massive pile up and alarms ringing. I've gotten much better than then, I have methods and strategies in place to deal with such things, but the chance is always there that it could happen again.
It's not all doom and gloom though, the Asperger's has also left me with a razer sharp intellect and an almost sponge-like ability to learn. I pick up new things fast and provided I continue to use it, I never forget anything I've learnt. And whilst it can be dangerous, applied properly, my highly addictive personality can work in my favour. It's shaped my musical ability to the stage that it is at now, and it has driven me to learn to fit in and "be normal". Yes, it also means I have to be careful with my drinking, and I'll never take drugs, or smoke, or anything like that - which is a good thing. But I can also become addicted to people, to feelings, to experiences. To anything, really.
Still, I'm not looking for sympathy, or pity. I'm not looking for anything outside a mutual understanding, really. We all have our battles; although the fact that even existing for me is often a battle means that when I encounter a true problem, I'm often left without the adequate strength or courage to face it, resulting in many situations where I've been called weak, or a coward.
There's a lot of this subjective I've not covered here. Some of it I will cover later, and some of it I won't because others have said it better, or it's frankly too personal. For those interested in the actual science behind it, there's plenty of books to read. For a more casual interest, I greatly suggest reading "All Cat's Have Asperger's" which is a delightful picture book comparing funny cat pictures to Asperger's symptoms. Or "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night", a mystery novel written from the perspective of the author's 13 year old Aspergic son. Very eye opening. For those with a bit more patience and who are interested to learn what someone with un-diagnosed Asperger's might go through, I greatly recommend finding the interactive novel "Katawa Shoujo" and following Rin's path.
And that is all I have to say on that. Consider yourself Aspergified. Kyle out:)
What is Asperger's is a question quite akin, in my mind at least, to "what is the meaning of life?" or "does objective reality exist?" or any of those fun, raging philosophical debate questions.To start broad and simple, Asperger's Syndrome is part of the Autism Spectrum. However, Asperger's itself is on a spectrum. My own form of Asperger's is a high-functioning Asperger's, and is totally different to anyone else's. Starting to notice the problem? So what I'm going to talk about today is my Asperger's, and my experiences with it.
My Asperger's, from what I've been told, and what I can notice myself, mainly affects my social skills, my cognitive abilities, and my intellect to the stage that if I were a robot, or computer, I would have been scrapped during manufacturing. Imagine being born without the necessary skills to survive in the "real world". Imagine if everything you do naturally - talking, body language, feeling, walking - was suddenly foreign and alien to you. The fact that I can socially interact with anyone at all is thanks to years of intensive social training. Every situation I've been in has been rehearsed like a play. Which leaves me in a rather compromising position when I encounter a new scenario, hence the intense fear of change. It's like you're in a play and you find out opening is tonight and you don't have a script or a costume. So you bumble through, trying to use what you know and bounce of those around you, but the crowd is booing you and everyone else is looking at you like you're some tongue-tied idiot.
The worst part, truly, is emotions and body language, and the expressing and understanding of each. It's still something I struggle with to this day. My brain often can't distinguish between emotions, especially if I'm feeling more than one thing at once. I used to compare it to a bread factory, everything is running fine until something jams or goes wrong, and suddenly you've got a massive pile up and alarms ringing. I've gotten much better than then, I have methods and strategies in place to deal with such things, but the chance is always there that it could happen again.
It's not all doom and gloom though, the Asperger's has also left me with a razer sharp intellect and an almost sponge-like ability to learn. I pick up new things fast and provided I continue to use it, I never forget anything I've learnt. And whilst it can be dangerous, applied properly, my highly addictive personality can work in my favour. It's shaped my musical ability to the stage that it is at now, and it has driven me to learn to fit in and "be normal". Yes, it also means I have to be careful with my drinking, and I'll never take drugs, or smoke, or anything like that - which is a good thing. But I can also become addicted to people, to feelings, to experiences. To anything, really.
Still, I'm not looking for sympathy, or pity. I'm not looking for anything outside a mutual understanding, really. We all have our battles; although the fact that even existing for me is often a battle means that when I encounter a true problem, I'm often left without the adequate strength or courage to face it, resulting in many situations where I've been called weak, or a coward.
There's a lot of this subjective I've not covered here. Some of it I will cover later, and some of it I won't because others have said it better, or it's frankly too personal. For those interested in the actual science behind it, there's plenty of books to read. For a more casual interest, I greatly suggest reading "All Cat's Have Asperger's" which is a delightful picture book comparing funny cat pictures to Asperger's symptoms. Or "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night", a mystery novel written from the perspective of the author's 13 year old Aspergic son. Very eye opening. For those with a bit more patience and who are interested to learn what someone with un-diagnosed Asperger's might go through, I greatly recommend finding the interactive novel "Katawa Shoujo" and following Rin's path.
And that is all I have to say on that. Consider yourself Aspergified. Kyle out:)
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